Self care for moms: what is self care, why is it important and common myths

Self-care is an essential part of having control over stress levels and minimizing overwhelm and burnout. It is incredibly important to take care of ourselves in order to keep going. If we fail to take care of our mind, body and spirit, it is only a matter of time before we start to break down, mentally and physically. We are only made to handle so much. While that load can be and often is a lot, it’s not infinite. Motherhood is hard. You have a lot going on. If you are going to keep handling a large load, you have to be in your best shape to do it. Self care for moms, especially, is so important and a crucial part of how to take care of yourself as a mother, and as a woman.

Think about it.

Suppose someone wanted to carry a big stack of logs up a mountain. He would have a better chance of succeeding the better shape he’s in. If he has never climbed a mountain before, and isn’t very strong, he’s going to struggle getting himself up the mountain with or without the logs. If he tries to bring the logs, he might get half way and fall. Or maybe the logs fall all the way back to the bottom and he has to start over again.  Even still, maybe he hurts himself, strains his muscles or breaks his ankle, and makes the job almost impossible.

However, if he has been taking care of his body and keeping it strong, he will be able to carry the most amount of logs up the mountain successfully. It will still be hard; carrying any load is not easy. It is much easier for him if he is already strong, confident, rested and taking care of himself.

Your tasks, kids, and life are the logs, and where you are going is up the mountain. If you are going to keep moving forward in your life, in the direction you want to be heading, you need to be your best self. And I’m not talking just physical. In order to climb that mountain with your life on your shoulders, you have to take care of your mind and spirit as much as your body. You might still fall, but it will be so much easier to get back up.

Common barriers stopping moms from practicing self care:

Hopefully by now I’ve convinced you that self-care is important. Yet, most people don’t do it. Let’s explore some of the common barriers to self care for busy moms:

1. Lack of motivation: If you lack the focus and energy to start or maintain self-care habits, it is much easier to neglect it.
2. Guilt: Many people often feel guilty for taking time for themselves. This is most common in women who juggle multiple roles such as wives, moms, and employees.
3. Seeing self-care as a sign of weakness: Some find admitting they need self-care as a sign of weakness or admission of failure.
4. Being too busy (busy and no energy go hand in hand – poll done at work suggested between the two 80% of people didn’t do self-care because of these 2 reasons)

Being too busy can often go hand in hand with lack of motivation. This makes sense, we moms are often running around feeling very busy, we are often burning all our energy on our tasks and not leaving enough for ourselves. A poll that was done at my employment showed 80% of the people who participated in the poll didn’t do self-care because of these 2 reasons. Additionally, I believe guilt and seeing it as a sign of weakness also go hand in hand. People who spend much of their time attending to others, who feel guilty to take time for themselves, often also feel like the work they do for others is so important they should not need to take the time for themselves.

Myths surrounding self care

Before I go into what you can do about it, I want to also dispel some myths that usually exist when people talk about self-care:

• It’s expensive: Many people believe that self-care has to cost a lot of money. They envision self-care as massages, or luxury vacations.
• Self-care takes time: Because self-care can be perceived as expensive things, it is also often perceived that it requires a large amount of time to be effective.
• Self-care is indulgent: Self-care is often seen as a treat instead of something essential. Many people (myself included for a long time) use self-care as a reward or treat to completing other tasks.
• Self-care is about escapism: People believe they are doing self-care when they spend a weekend on the couch numb watching tv, over-eating or eating their emotions, or over-drinking. These are poor coping mechanisms wrapped up as self-care, but are indeed not self-care at all.

Self-care does not have to be expensive. It also does not have to take a lot of time. There are daily self-care practices that can be done during times of stress to reset your nervous system in less than a minute. Self-care can be done in just 15 minutes a day, and it costs nothing. It is entirely possible to create a practice of self-care that is free. In addition, it does not have to be indulgent, though it can be if you want it to. But effective self-care is an essential to life. Most importantly, self-care is not about running away from your problems. It is not about escapism. That is a sign of burnout. Instead, taking care of your essential needs encourages connection by embracing mindset shifts that will reshape the way you look at your life. It is important to understand the difference between the two.

What does self care mean?

Self-care is primarily about connection and intention. Connection refers to connecting with anything and everything. Connecting internally with yourself, connecting with your loved ones and others, connection with your surroundings, the ground and Earth, and more. Intention is about having intentionality in your actions and thoughts. This involves having awareness of your choices and confidence those choices and actions are in the best interest for yourself.

Mindfulness

A simple, though not necessarily easy, way to add self-care into your life is through some mindfulness. Mindfulness can be done very minimally, where it takes just 15 minutes or less. This is a great way to get connection and intention necessary for self-care, and also reduce the time commitment. Here’s a few ideas for minimal mindfulness that takes 15 minutes or less:

• Guided meditation: start the day with a quick meditation to reduce anxiety and increase focus
• Develop a morning routine. Maybe it includes drinking a glass of water, stretching, jotting down a positive affirmation, being grateful, and/or telling someone you love them. I do not believe you can go wrong with this as long as you have some type of a routine. Our body and minds like repetition. It relaxes us as well as engages us. Being intentional about your morning routine can include both self-care and mindfulness. One way to do this is by finding human connection and setting an intention for the day.
• Journal. Spend 10-15 minutes writing down your goals and thoughts for the day. Or spend time processing any hard emotions that may have come up that day.

Effective self-care is essential for your well-being.

There can be many reasons why we, as moms, avoid self-care. Find quick ways to add in time for yourself that take less than 10 minutes. This is the easiest way to help those who are feeling busy and overwhelmed. Self-care doesn’t have to take a lot of time and it doesn’t have to be expensive. It isn’t about escapism. It is about connection and intention. Mindfulness is one free and simple way to start to incorporate more self-care that doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Next week I’ll go through the 6 essential parts of a solid self-care practice to create a life you don’t want to run away from.